After six seasons CW’s popular show Gossip Girls comes to an end with a two hour special series finale of GOSSIP GIRL called, “New York, I Love You XOXO.” On the last episode of Gossip Girl after a run-in with an increasingly paranoid Bart, Blair grew alarmingly concerned for Chuck’s safety. However, feeling confident that his father would never hurt him, Chuck made a deal that could change his life.
Wanting to make things better for Chuck, Blair devised a plan with the help of Serena, Georgina and Sage to try and get what they needed out of Bart. Meanwhile, Nate’s financial dilemma finally landed him in a place that he never thought he would be.
Bass Be Gone. The death of Bart was huge in “The Revengers”, but this episode, not so much. Blair and Chuck were questioned, but ultimately, his death was ruled an accident. The best part about it was the return of Desmond Harrington, who is always welcome on my TV screen.
Chair Forever. Even with the Bart drama going on, Blair and Chuck finally tied the knot! After a sweet proposal and help from Uncle Jack and the rest of their friends, the couple got married by Cyrus. These two looked absolutely stunning in their wedding attire.
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What an hour. Gossip Girl aired its penultimate episode, “The Revengers” that took us viewers all over the place. There was scheming, crying, a possible death, and even an arrest. Let’s talk GG.
Bart Bass & Beyond. Taking the stage in this installment was none other than the evil Bart Bass. Seriously, I have watched a lot of TV…even a lot of bad TV. These shows have been full of corrupt characters, but still, Bart takes the cake. He has layers of evil and it doesn’t help that he is so smart with his crimes. Could you imagine having a father worse than BB? Yup, don’t think there is one.
Upper East Side events are so odd, especially when Blair starts having nightmares about Bart killing Chuck. Dan is house hunting but first he needs a good reference; good luck with that buddy. Lily’s leads that she handed to Chuck are useless unless he has pin numbers for all the accounts. Here comes Blair conspiring again while Nate is starving to death over Bart’s threats.
Serena is on her way to LA, a post-Dan cleanse as Blair calls it when she shows up with Chuck. They decide that they want to make Ivy look like the bad guy when it comes to the info given to Chuck. Of course, Serena makes the call and acts all sweet and nice to get what she wants. Looks like Nate may be in on the gig without us even seeing the info being traded.
I will say one thing for this season of “Gossip Girl“: It’s a ballsy move for a TV show to turn our POV character — the everyman from behind whose eyes we first gazed upon the not-so-fictional Upper East Side — into the series’ true villain. Sure, Bart Bass is bad, but at least the old man is hell-bent on destroying people outside his inner circle (business managers and sheiks are a dime a dozen), whereas Dan is content to burn every bridge he ever built in his quest for literary greatness and moral superiority.
But “Breaking Bad,” this ain’t, and sadly for “GG” and its long-suffering actors, Dan’s turn from Jedi to Sith is as shallow, irritating and poorly-conceived as the rest of its final season. Sure, these spoilt little rich kids lie, cheat, steal and backstab like it’s going out of style, but Dan hasn’t been better than them for a long time.
It’s not his self-satisfied tell-alls that finally put him on the same level as Blair and Chuck; he’s been scheming and manipulating ever since the first time he saw Serena as his entry point to the world he’s always coveted, and pretending otherwise requires a spectacular rewrite of history. As Rufus pointed out, everyone has their version of the truth, and using a salacious expose to hurt someone who was genuinely opening her heart to him doesn’t level the playing field, it just makes Dan a verifiable sociopath — just like his new role model, Bart Bass.
So Dan’s gone Dark Side, and I’m not sure what was more offensive — his exposed chest hair or his expectation that Serena should forgive him for replicating his friends’ bad behavior and embracing his inner Upper East Sider. Two wrongs apparently do make a right in Danland. Really, the most offensive aspect of all is that we still have to sit through two episodes of this agony.
It appears that I spoke too soon when dubbing “Portrait of a Lady Alexander” the ickiest episode of “Gossip Girl” to date — that was before we’d witnessed Ivy trying to screw her way through every father on the Upper East Side. At long last, the mystery none of us truly wanted an answer to was finally uncovered; Ivy’s partner in crime was Serena’s father, William! And William wanted her to sleep with Rufus to get back at Lily! Or something! I was too busy trying not to hurl at Ivy’s doe-eyed, clingy sycophant routine to really pay attention.
Apparently it was all because of Lola, maybe? Because she — along with everyone else in the world — has decided it’s cool to hate Lily, possibly? And William just loves sleeping with a psychotic 20-something who, within the last two years, has assumed the identity of one of his daughters and become totally obsessed with the other, because that’s a healthy and rational thing for a middle-aged doctor guy to do?
At this point there are too many illegitimate love-children and identity thieves on the Upper East Side to keep track of, and with only three episodes to go, the lights in the penthouse suite are on, but it’s obvious that no one’s home. Don’t these millionaires all have better things to do with their time and money than pursue their convoluted Revengendas? Couldn’t they all just team up with Emily Thorne instead, since the Hamptons are just across the water? Where did I put my red marker, anyway? So many questions!
Sadly, don’t count on any answers, because “Gossip Girl” is content to twist itself into ever-dizzying circles of deceit, coincidence and binge-drinking like the cannibalistic ouroboros of myth. Unless the writers decide to steal my “rocks fall, everybody dies” suggestion, my new bet is that Dan sets fire to the entire island of Manhattan and drives away on his vespa, cackling madly, with the wind ruffling his curly locks and an advance on his next novel tucked into his too-tight hipster pants.
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The episode titles for this season of “Gossip Girl” truly are the gifts that keep on giving, because this week’s installment certainly answered the lingering question of where the vile things are: all over our screens.
“Vile” was also the perfect catch-up for any viewer who has suffered a blunt force head trauma over the past six years and forgotten everything that’s happened up to this point (lucky you). Not only were all of the characters talking like robots with no semblance of inflection or personality, they were all doing their best to remind us about things that occurred as recently as last week — as well as all their previous hook-ups and break-ups — because everyone’s obviously starting to get a little bit confused.
Blair and her mother spent the entire episode pointing out that Blair has a DARK SIDE and a LIGHT SIDE, like GRACE JONES and GRACE KELLY (they’re opposites because one of them is black and one is white and they dress differently, but they’re both called Grace. See?) and that she has spent the last five seasons being torn between these two extremes like a well-dressed chew toy between two possessive poodles. Oh, so that’s the reason for her baffling characterization. Thanks for the enlightenment, “Gossip Girl.”
When Blair wasn’t arguing with her mother about her sexual preferences (yes, that really happened), she was inexplicably stalking Dan to a chocolate shop to yell at him for ruining her career, then threatening to fly in Vanessa (oh yes, we remember her) to do … something unspecified to him that would make him rue the day he ever wrote disparaging articles about Blair in Vanity Fair. Take that, Humphrey! Dan, in another fit of stellar scriptwriting, pointed out that Blair was bullying him over an article claiming that she was a bully, and sauntered off with his chest hair blowing in the wind, leaving Blair and the audience blinking in confusion and wondering where the last three minutes (or five years) of our lives went.
Cotillion time rolled around again in “Monstrous Ball” this week’s episode of Gossip Girl, with darling Sage ready to make her debut into society. Although it seemed like she was willing to give Serena a chance last week, she must have just been having a good hair day. This week, she was determined to take Serena down, especially when she discovered that her father was going to pop the question.
What was a scheming little teen queen to do? Why, immediately run to the only woman in Manhattan who has a degree in messing with Serena van der Woodsen’s life. Blair was only too happy to help as long as Sage agreed to wear a Waldorf original at the ball; she even threw in an extra scheme wherein Lily expressed her doubts about the marriage and Steven was caught in a set-up that made it look like he was returning the ring.
But Blair had an attack of conscience and told Serena everything, even going so far as to warn her friend that Sage had something even more evil planned on her own. But even Blair couldn’t have guessed that Sage would broadcast the Dan/Serena sex tape that she stole from Georgina’s phone for everyone at the cotillion to see. Although the tape effectively ended three relationships (Serena and Steven, plus Sage and Nate when Nate realized he was dating a bratty little kid, not to mention Blair and Serena’s recently repaired friendship), something good did come out of it.
Just when it seemed like the writers were getting ready to yo-yo back to the ridiculousness of Blair and Dan, the sex tape came along and proved to Blair that Dan is worse than Chuck used to be, because at least Chuck has always been honest about who he is, even at his worst. Dan only pretended to be a good guy. The whole episode made it clear that Blair is right to wait for Chuck to take down Bart, even if that day seems so far out of reach now that Bart has Lily firmly on his side.
Maybe it was the week off due to Hurricane Sandy, or maybe it was the unhealthy amount of half-price Halloween candy in my stomach, but this week’s episode of Gossip Girl seemed… okay. It wasn’t as joyous as the season premiere, but it was certainly much better than the last two episodes.
This show is rarely very good, but it’s often much worse when it treats its stupidity with an intense level of seriousness that I just cannot manage. A couple of weeks ago when it was revealed that Sage was Steven’s daughter and the punching and yelling began? That was bad, too-earnest Gossip Girl. Last night, when we found out that Steven actually slept with Lily years ago—and then subsequently forgot about it, apparently, which wasn’t good for Lily’s rep—the show was having a lot more fun with its inherent stupidity.
On a related note, Chuck and Blair’s attempts to subvert Lily’s overactive and clingy motherly behavior allowed the two damaged characters to loosen up quite a bit. Interestingly, the common element is Kelly Rutherford’s Lily, who is almost always relegated to straight-faced nonsense. It was nice to be reminded that she can be funny when asked to be. She occasionally brings a silly aloofness to Lily that the show should have taken more advantage of over the years.
And even outside of the scenes with Lily, this episode just had a little more pep in its step. The show often works well when characters go on half-cocked quests, so Chuck and Blair were about as bearable as they can be as a duo. I don’t actually care about Bart probably illegally involving himself in foreign oil deals, but that’s a better development then him being some other character’s illegitimate father or something. Meanwhile, Georgina’s orchestrated search to find Dan a media-friendly gal-pal felt like a classic, Gossip Girl-y thing to do.
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Alas, in whatever warped reality in which Gossip Girl takes place, season 6 episode 3 found Serena and Blair at each other’s throats in a pretty massive (and juvenile) way, Dan backstabbing his best bro, Serena playing big sis/mini-mom to Sage, and Sage just asking to be slapped. I get that this season was meant to test the relationships, but this isn’t a test. This is character implosion!
Steven says he and Serena should take a break because Sage is being a mean, mean, meanie. Serena says she can handle Sage because she’s been there. Oh, and Sage is dating Serena’s ex, Nate. I’m sure that’ll go over well. Chuck is still trying to track down what daddy did over his death day. Dan is living with Nate, who is hiding out from the revolting form of Rufus and Ivy. Nate is about to publish the first part of the Dan’s expose, which is about Rufus and Ivy.
Let’s start with Dan Humphrey. Dear. God. There is now nobody in the world that this creep hasn’t screwed over, and yet he still seems to think he’s on some kind of moral high ground because he’s “telling the truth”. Rufus/Ivy is super creepy, but selling out your dad who has been nothing but good to you in the name of fame and fortune is infinitely, infinitely worse. I’m amazed Rufus even let Dan in the apartment, let alone made him tea. Possibly the cruellest part of this episode was when Nate said twice that he was going to hit Dan, but didn’t follow through on the threat.
Instead of actually using the truly annoying Sage (I’ve yet to determine whether Sofia Black D’Elia is awful or perfect in this role… and maybe it’s both) to allow Serena to reflect on how miserable she made everyone when she was 17, Gossip Girl is just letting the older Serena lower herself to Sage’s high-school scheming. And although she has always been a bit abrasive, Blair has turned into an all-star whiner this season. Hey, maybe she and Humphrey are made for one another after all! Speaking of which, no story satisfies me more than Dan selling out. If the show isn’t going to do the smart thing and put Dan and Blair together for real, it might as well submarine both characters.
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Two down, eight to go. “Gossip Girl’s” second episode of the final season, “High Infidelity” was a bit better than the premiere thanks to a surprising twist. Now, if you aren’t quite up to speed, you can read the angsty tale of my love-hate relationship with “Gossip Girl” right here. Are you all caught up? Good. Let’s get on with our weekly dose of grumpiness and blind hope.
Look, I understand that the show can’t write episodes with everyone working together on some goal every week. But the way that Gossip Girl usually moves through its episodes rubs me the wrong way. Not only is it tough to care about many of the stories that happen each week, but said stories often come together in a stupid fashion. For example, Chuck being called to the event, only to realize four seconds in that he’d been tricked and didn’t actually need to be there at all. It lacked all purpose and just filled time.
What’s worse, the core characters aren’t progressing so much as being stuck in lazy ruts that emphasise what have always been their weakest aspects. Did anyone ever need to see Blair scheming with minions again? Or Nate in a relationship with yet another guest star with a shocking-yet-fairly-dull secret? Or Chuck huskily murmuring his way through another murky Bass Industries plot line?
Serena tries to prove herself in adult society by hosting the Central Park Conservancy’s big gala. But her big debut is jeopardized when she learns some shocking news about her beau and Nate’s new flame. Blair prepares to launch her new fashion line, but a rival from her past holds the key to her future. Meanwhile, Dan and Georgina try to land some meetings with big publishers. Chuck tries to persuade Amira (Andrea Gabriel) to help him look into his father’s past.
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Gossip Girl kicked off its sixth and final season tonight by pummeling right through familiar territory (Serena is missing?! Must be a season premiere.) However, the show has made it clear with “Gone Maybe Gone” that with a shortened ten episode run for season 6, things will be shuffling along quickly. It was only episode one, and yet, we’ve already ruined a wedding, a friendship, a relationship, etc. There were diamonds and there was sex. Some sex was gross. Gossip Girl, the woman not the show, is just over it.
Dating 7th Heaven’s Matt Camden (Barry Watson), that’s where! OK, so his name is really Steven and he’s a wealthy businessman, not a reverend’s son, but S is in a serious relationship with him. Too bad he thinks her name is Sabrina and has no idea who she really is.
The episode was penned by Josh Schwartz and Stephanie Savage, the creators and executive producers of the show. Because both are intelligent and jocular human beings, the script for “Gone Maybe Gone” at least succeeded in recapturing some of the sparkle that has been missing for the past few years. There were in-jokes, knowing winks and sharp one-liners, with all of the characters generally behaving like sane and rational versions of themselves (except for Georgina, of course, since she has no sane and rational version of herself).
But even less believably: Bart and Lily have taken a yacht around the world in order to reverse their aging processes, while Rufus is now roomies with Ivy because nobody else will have her, everybody is sick of him and his jacked-up face, and because he’s the only person too dumb to even question why she is on this show. Oh, and Dan and Georgina are in Italy or something doing God knows what. Making coats out of puppies or angling after King Triton’s trident, presumably. Stealing little brothers for the Goblin King like they do.
Serena’s new love interest is 7th Heaven‘s Barry Watson, a.k.a. Steven Spence. He didn’t get to say much, but that was probably because he was too busy processing the lies “Sabrina”(Serena) told him. He looks like a stand-up guy who might actually love her, but it’s too soon to tell. So far he’s dull and the chemistry between him and Serena isn’t there.
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