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Watch The Americans – Martial Eagle Online S02E09

The Americans - Martial Eagle
In the final scene of tonight’s episode, Philip goes to see Pastor Tim, the man who runs the church Paige has been spending all her time at and giving all her money to. Philip is a man whose entire cover is being an unassuming American citizen-not making waves, not drawing attention to himself, being likable yet forgettable.

Yet there he was in the Pastor’s office not so subtly threatening him. And, honestly, I didn’t know if Philip was going to kill him or burn the church down or possibly both. That Philip cannot contain his festering anger and pain is going to be a real problem.

Where Elizabeth was wearing her guilt over Lucia’s death like a warm blanket, Philip is wearing his like a suit of armor. It changes the way he looks, acts and, most importantly, reacts to the things around him.

A young American soldier stumbles across Philip and dies because he refuses to stay quiet. And when they return to the woods where they left the real septic truck driver tied up – against Elizabeth’s wishes – they discover that he died of exposure, left out in the cold forest for too long with too little protection.

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Watch Modern Family – Australia Online S05E20

Modern Family - Australia
In “Australia”, the entire family tags along as Phil (Ty Burrell) fulfills his mom’s wish for him to return to his roots and visit the country where he was conceived, Australia.

Phil wants to reconnect with his family’s early heritage, in the wake of his mother’s death (at the end of season four). However, since this is a television sitcom and the cast could use a much needed break from the hectic world of show business, Burrell’s co-stars ? sorry, Phil’s close family ? tag along for some stiff cultural stereotyping and weak character-driven moments this week.

Cam and Mitch break off from the rest of the family to go visit their old friend Ferguson. However, they’re not too thrilled about it, as they reveal he’s actually kind of annoying. At lunch they find that he’s just as annoying but happens to be famous in Australia as a talk show host.

They take advantage of Ferguson’s celebrity status to see the best of the city, including behind the scenes at a zoo, VIP status at a club, and limo rides.

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Watch Once Upon a Time – Bleeding Through Online S03E18

Once Upon a Time - Bleeding Through
Last week on Once Upon a Time, it was to be a showdown at the Storybrooke Corral when the envious green witch challenged Regina contemplating being able to take her heart as an ingredient to her scheme to travel back in time and change her lot in life. Regina decided to leave her heart in the hands of Robin Hood to protect which was a good idea until this week when Zelena sent Rumpelstiltskin to retrieve it.

That’s her color for the season. She’s not angry, because “nothing’s worth the life of a child.” But she is worried, because if Zelena didn’t want the heart to kill her, she must want it for something else. We see her apologize to Belle for everything because she needs to find the answers in the antique store. She’s definitely on a redemption arc.

Cora, however, as we see in this episode and “The Miller’s Daughter” chose the power of the throne over her love for Rumplestiltkin. By Once Upon A Time standards, this makes her more evil than most, as she buries her own heart so that it won’t get in her way. Rumple, who chose magic when faced with the choice between power (magic) and love (his son), wound up regretting it and never stopped trying to alter it.

Guest starring are Rose McGowan as young Cora, Rebecca Mader as Zelena, Sean Maguire as Robin Hood, David De Lautour as Jonathan, Eric Lange as Prince Leopold, Eva Bourne as Princess Eva, Steve Elliott as drunk, Yvette Dudley-Neuman as mid-wife, Brian Knox McGugan as drunk Charlie’s friend, Raphael Alejandro as Roland, Michael P. Northey as Friar Tuck and Gabrielle Giraud as royal aide.

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Watch The Vampire Diaries – Resident Evil Online S05E18

The Vampire Diaries - Resident Evil
In “Resident Evil” Stefan and Elena experience unsettling dreams of the life they might have had together; Bonnie has a disturbing encounter with Grams; Enzo searches for a woman he loved decades ago; Bonnie learns that Jeremy is working with Liv; Matt has a terrifying encounter with inhabitants of the Other Side.

Interestingly enough, subconscious Elena dreams of Stefan, back in a time when the two of them didn’t know each other ? and get this, in this alternate universe, her parents are still alive as well. Talk about fantasyland. But she’s convinced these dreams are more than just her imagination.

Enzo and Damon talked about their respective lady problems over a game of pool at Salvatore Mansion, and then we cut back to Elena, who had a vision of Stefan walking her home after a movie she couldn’t concentrate on watching. It’d been their first date, and they wanted to see each other again. It was nice to see Elena’s house one last time — and a surprise when Elena said that it was her father who’d turned on the porch lights to put an end to the perfectly-framed first kiss.

Caroline’s voice snapped Elena out of the vision, and then Miss Forbes used said voice to tell Elena that she was probably just fantasizing about Stefan because she’d broken up with Damon. But then Stefan called Caroline to tell her about his vision, and they realized something was really going on.

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Watch Portlandia – Late in Life Drug Use Online S04E08

Portlandia - Late in Life Drug Use
Portlandia‘s latest episode, “Late in Life Drug Use” features a number of returning guest stars, including Kyle MacLachlan, Jeff Goldblum and Vanessa Bayer, but they’re all upstaged by Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, who channels his inner dudeness-with a twist.

Homme plays Carrie’s brother, also named Josh, who’s only recently come out to his family. He’s bringing new boyfriend Nick (Swardson) with him to Portland for a visit. Carrie and Fred look forward to home decorating tips and fashion advice from their house guests, but as soon as Josh and Nick arrive on their doorstep, it’s obvious that Carrie’s bro is a bro. And Nick is, too. They’re X-box playing slobs who met during a bar fight at an ESPN Zone. Forget about French press or espresso shots in the morning; they’re just fine with Jaeger bombs for breakfast.

The titular sketch about drug use takes us to one of Portlandia’s less prolific couples, well-meaning but overreaching parents Brendan and Michelle. After a guest at their dinner party tells them the story of a weekend drug experience (a disappointingly superfluous use of Jeff Goldblum), he plants the question in their heads of whether or not they’re too old to do drugs for the first time. They decide they’re not, and pour a lot of effort into making the most carefully planned unexpected event. (“I want to approach this like we would buy a car.”) As always, it’s reliably funny for Portlandia to walk through how much its residents overthink activities that are supposed to be fun and simple, and Brownstein gets good mileage out of trying to plan a drug experience around dentist trips and meetings.

One of the more creative and humorous sketches involves iris and bicycle boy Spike (who’s growing on us this season). They decide to eat at a Thai restaurant with a “Best of Portland 2013″ sticker on the door, bestowed by Bridgetown Weekly. The food’s inedible, and Spike and Iris decide-as the restaurant workers sneak out the door-to go to Bridgetown Weekly to lodge a complaint about their “awards.” At the alt-weekly’s offices, they’re greeted by the same staff, who try and convince the two that they’re legit and not just operating to give themselves good reviews.

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Watch The Crazy Ones – The Lighthouse Online S01E22

The Crazy Ones - The Lighthouse
After a first season with varying ratings, The Crazy Ones‘ future is up in the air. On the one hand, it wasn’t renewed with the pack of shows that were picked up already. On the other, we are getting an hour-long season finale- that must mean something, right?

The ratings for The Crazy Ones can’t be what CBS was expecting to get when they got Robin Williams to return to series regular television alongside David E. Kelley and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It was supposed to build up the ratings tentpole for the expanded comedy block on Thursdays. And yes, it had a huge opening. But it never could muster the same kind of ratings. It was on the steady decline all season long. It was one of the few shows CBS didn’t renew last month. It swapped time slots with the very old Two and a Half Men which has pulled in better ratings than it did.

And now, it is ending its first season a month before everything else so CBS can plug in Bad Teacher next week (but boy do those commercials make that show look terrible.) Which is all a roundabout way of saying that The Crazy Ones probably won’t be back next year. The odds aren’t dead. They are just leaning more to cancellation than renewal at this point.

“The Lighthouse” ? When a corporation wants to buy out Lewis, Roberts+Roberts, Gordon calls in the board to vote, and Simon’s ex-wife and Sydney’s mom has the final say. Brad Garrett returns as Gordon Lewis and Marilu Henner guest stars as Simon’s ex-wife and Sydney’s mother.

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Watch The 100 – Twilight’s Last Gleaming Online S01E05

The 100 - Twilight's Last Gleaming
After Clarke (Eliza Taylor) and Finn’s (Thomas McDonell) tryst, she wants to get up but he wants to lie in bed all day. She tells him she wanted him to be her first and they kiss some more.

On the Ark, Chancellor Jaha (Isaiah Washington) tells Abby (Paige Turco) that Kane’s (Henry Ian Cusick) population reduction called Section 17 will begin. They will eliminate 320 people. Abby wants to wait to hear from Raven (Lindsey Morgan) on the Earth but Jaha’s not willing to take the risk.

Yet nothing we’d seen prior to this had been established between the two besides some early flirtation and bonding. If they had chalked it up to them getting together because of the extreme situation, but added in a requisite, “but maybe there’s something really there…”, it would have at least sold more than putting so much meaning on it so quickly. Especially since we knew Raven was on her way, just in time to make this situation much more of a clich? love triangle. It was unfortunate, and initially undercut the interesting element that was Raven’s arrival.

Technologically blind to what’s happening on the planet below them, the Ark’s leaders ? Clarke’s widowed mother, Abby; the Chancellor, Jaha; and his shadowy second in command, Kane ? are faced with difficult decisions about life, death and the continued existence of the human race. For the 100 young people on Earth, however, the alien planet they’ve never known is a mysterious realm that can be magical one moment and lethal the next. With the survival of the human race entirely in their hands, THE 100 must find a way to transcend their differences, unite and forge a new path on a wildly changed Earth that’s primitive, intense and teeming with the unknown.

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Watch American Dad – She Swill Survive Online S09E16

American Dad - She Swill Survive
Last night’s episode was titled “She Swill Survive”. It is the sixteenth episode in this tenth season and it almost put me to sleep, guys. American Dad has been on a bit of a viewership decline this season, and it’s episodes like this that may explain it.

In this episode we see Stan return from a long day at work, only to find Hayley awaking at four in the afternoon. Concerned that she lacks the skills to take care of herself in life, Stan forces her to take a job and at Roger’s bar and start paying rent. Stan is also having a rough time at work because he wants to be part of Mr. Bullock’s “Inner Circle”, an exclusive club where plenty of fun times are had. When Stan learns that Mr. Bullock has been making drunken confessions to Hayley at the bar, he plants a microphone and uses it as a way to get himself into the Inner Circle.

Meanwhile, Steve and his pals settle in to watch Wolfgang Petersen’s classic “Das Boot” with Klaus. Just before they start the film, a minor slip of the tongue sets off a chain reaction of Germanic folk tales that prevent the boys from actually watching the movie at all.

I feel like I’ve been hard on American Dad these past few weeks. We’re winding down on this season, and it doesn’t appear to me that it will end well. I haven’t really enjoyed this season as a whole, to be honest. Admittedly there are a few great ones, but they seem few and far between.

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Watch Californication – Levon Online S07E01

Californication - Levon
Hank returns for Californication‘s seventh and final season waiting to knock, standing in a place most guys know well. He’s on the side of the door that isn’t quite reality ? floating in that space before the big moment where every scenario rushes through your head. More often than not, the vision of the big speech or heart-wrenching proposal goes as planned and nervous anticipation turns into much needed elation.

Ask any guy that has an ounce of romance in him about how nothing you plan in your head unfolds exactly the way you want it to. In those moments before the knock you can’t prepare for someone’s reaction, you can only put it out there and hope.

The episode opens with Hank knocking and Karen accepting. The sweeping passionate kiss ensues. The band is back together.

Well not quite. This is Californication, where you can dream all you want but reality always comes to wake you up. Sticking true to the series’ roller coaster love arc, Hank knocks and no one is home. His visions of the big romantic gesture dissipate because now he has to go out and find Karen, an angel in a city filled with demons. When he does find Karen at a coffee shop, his speech comes out a little rushed and the reaction wasn’t something he previously accounted for in his head.

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Watch Simpsons – Days Of Future Future Online S25E18

Simpsons - Days Of Future Future
The Simpsons “Days of Future Future” is yet another future episode and the future ain’t what it used to be. It can mess with Simpsons canon. I’ve always assumed there would be a future with a President Lisa Simpson. I assume it will happen before Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle will be president. It’s a future I look forward to. Not only will she legalize “it” for Bart, both Lisa and Malcolm are both really intelligent people from families who know what’s what in the world. Not that I want a President Frankie Muniz or President Yeardley Smith, well maybe Yeardley, President Yeardley sounds like it will be comic gold. But I digress.

I’m going to miss Homer #1, his irrepressible humor, his insatiable hunger and unquenchable thirst. We’ve gone through so much. And come back for seconds. Free refills and all the shrimp we could eat. Thank science for Professor Frink, until Bart recorded over Homer, he begloibened the day. Homer has had a storied story. He came into this world a kind of magical gorilla, lived as a fat, fat, fat, reckless fat pig, died his way into the future future through a series of surplus wholesale clones, will be downloaded onto a zip drive, turned into a screensaver (bonk, bonk, ooh corner, badonk) and finally transported into a robot who sounds like Kazoo, the alien on The Flintstones. Very fitting. Except Homer’s junk, which comes separately and has to be assembled by hand.

The future in Springfield is a conglomeration of the myths of TV and movies made fleshy yellow. Bart feeds the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park , I mean Cretaceous Park, like he was working at Seaworld, only without the dolphin abuse. Lisa does charity work for the undead, her future being written by The Walking Dead. Her future marriage to Millhouse is in a rut until Millhouse gets bitten by a zombie and Lisa by the love bug. Once you go zombie you never go back. Just like bubble wrap is the great equalizer.

The Simpsons is playing it fast and loose with death this season, what with the death of the most beloved person in Springfield, the real-life death of Marcia Wallace, whatever happened to Nelson a few weeks ago and, I swear, Hans Moleman has died at least four times this year. The Simpsons play with the idea of Homer dying a lot. Probably more so after Matt Groening’s father, who Homer is based on, died. It’s a scab he just has to pick. In a past future episode (if this is beginning to sound like the Mad magazine version of the Poseidon Adventure, go down to go up, good), when Lisa tells her mom she’s marrying a Hugh Grant kinda guy, Marge says “I wish your father were here” no Homer will not have had died in that future, he was out. The Simpsons has prepared us for Homer’s death. But not Abe’s, he’s at Homer’s funerals. Cremo, the crematorium-bot is ever-ready, though.

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