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Watch The Vampire Diaries – Resident Evil Online S05E18

The Vampire Diaries - Resident Evil
In “Resident Evil” Stefan and Elena experience unsettling dreams of the life they might have had together; Bonnie has a disturbing encounter with Grams; Enzo searches for a woman he loved decades ago; Bonnie learns that Jeremy is working with Liv; Matt has a terrifying encounter with inhabitants of the Other Side.

Interestingly enough, subconscious Elena dreams of Stefan, back in a time when the two of them didn’t know each other ? and get this, in this alternate universe, her parents are still alive as well. Talk about fantasyland. But she’s convinced these dreams are more than just her imagination.

Enzo and Damon talked about their respective lady problems over a game of pool at Salvatore Mansion, and then we cut back to Elena, who had a vision of Stefan walking her home after a movie she couldn’t concentrate on watching. It’d been their first date, and they wanted to see each other again. It was nice to see Elena’s house one last time — and a surprise when Elena said that it was her father who’d turned on the porch lights to put an end to the perfectly-framed first kiss.

Caroline’s voice snapped Elena out of the vision, and then Miss Forbes used said voice to tell Elena that she was probably just fantasizing about Stefan because she’d broken up with Damon. But then Stefan called Caroline to tell her about his vision, and they realized something was really going on.

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Watch Portlandia – Late in Life Drug Use Online S04E08

Portlandia - Late in Life Drug Use
Portlandia‘s latest episode, “Late in Life Drug Use” features a number of returning guest stars, including Kyle MacLachlan, Jeff Goldblum and Vanessa Bayer, but they’re all upstaged by Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, who channels his inner dudeness-with a twist.

Homme plays Carrie’s brother, also named Josh, who’s only recently come out to his family. He’s bringing new boyfriend Nick (Swardson) with him to Portland for a visit. Carrie and Fred look forward to home decorating tips and fashion advice from their house guests, but as soon as Josh and Nick arrive on their doorstep, it’s obvious that Carrie’s bro is a bro. And Nick is, too. They’re X-box playing slobs who met during a bar fight at an ESPN Zone. Forget about French press or espresso shots in the morning; they’re just fine with Jaeger bombs for breakfast.

The titular sketch about drug use takes us to one of Portlandia’s less prolific couples, well-meaning but overreaching parents Brendan and Michelle. After a guest at their dinner party tells them the story of a weekend drug experience (a disappointingly superfluous use of Jeff Goldblum), he plants the question in their heads of whether or not they’re too old to do drugs for the first time. They decide they’re not, and pour a lot of effort into making the most carefully planned unexpected event. (“I want to approach this like we would buy a car.”) As always, it’s reliably funny for Portlandia to walk through how much its residents overthink activities that are supposed to be fun and simple, and Brownstein gets good mileage out of trying to plan a drug experience around dentist trips and meetings.

One of the more creative and humorous sketches involves iris and bicycle boy Spike (who’s growing on us this season). They decide to eat at a Thai restaurant with a “Best of Portland 2013″ sticker on the door, bestowed by Bridgetown Weekly. The food’s inedible, and Spike and Iris decide-as the restaurant workers sneak out the door-to go to Bridgetown Weekly to lodge a complaint about their “awards.” At the alt-weekly’s offices, they’re greeted by the same staff, who try and convince the two that they’re legit and not just operating to give themselves good reviews.

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Watch The Crazy Ones – The Lighthouse Online S01E22

The Crazy Ones - The Lighthouse
After a first season with varying ratings, The Crazy Ones‘ future is up in the air. On the one hand, it wasn’t renewed with the pack of shows that were picked up already. On the other, we are getting an hour-long season finale- that must mean something, right?

The ratings for The Crazy Ones can’t be what CBS was expecting to get when they got Robin Williams to return to series regular television alongside David E. Kelley and Sarah Michelle Gellar. It was supposed to build up the ratings tentpole for the expanded comedy block on Thursdays. And yes, it had a huge opening. But it never could muster the same kind of ratings. It was on the steady decline all season long. It was one of the few shows CBS didn’t renew last month. It swapped time slots with the very old Two and a Half Men which has pulled in better ratings than it did.

And now, it is ending its first season a month before everything else so CBS can plug in Bad Teacher next week (but boy do those commercials make that show look terrible.) Which is all a roundabout way of saying that The Crazy Ones probably won’t be back next year. The odds aren’t dead. They are just leaning more to cancellation than renewal at this point.

“The Lighthouse” ? When a corporation wants to buy out Lewis, Roberts+Roberts, Gordon calls in the board to vote, and Simon’s ex-wife and Sydney’s mom has the final say. Brad Garrett returns as Gordon Lewis and Marilu Henner guest stars as Simon’s ex-wife and Sydney’s mother.

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Watch The 100 – Twilight’s Last Gleaming Online S01E05

The 100 - Twilight's Last Gleaming
After Clarke (Eliza Taylor) and Finn’s (Thomas McDonell) tryst, she wants to get up but he wants to lie in bed all day. She tells him she wanted him to be her first and they kiss some more.

On the Ark, Chancellor Jaha (Isaiah Washington) tells Abby (Paige Turco) that Kane’s (Henry Ian Cusick) population reduction called Section 17 will begin. They will eliminate 320 people. Abby wants to wait to hear from Raven (Lindsey Morgan) on the Earth but Jaha’s not willing to take the risk.

Yet nothing we’d seen prior to this had been established between the two besides some early flirtation and bonding. If they had chalked it up to them getting together because of the extreme situation, but added in a requisite, “but maybe there’s something really there…”, it would have at least sold more than putting so much meaning on it so quickly. Especially since we knew Raven was on her way, just in time to make this situation much more of a clich? love triangle. It was unfortunate, and initially undercut the interesting element that was Raven’s arrival.

Technologically blind to what’s happening on the planet below them, the Ark’s leaders ? Clarke’s widowed mother, Abby; the Chancellor, Jaha; and his shadowy second in command, Kane ? are faced with difficult decisions about life, death and the continued existence of the human race. For the 100 young people on Earth, however, the alien planet they’ve never known is a mysterious realm that can be magical one moment and lethal the next. With the survival of the human race entirely in their hands, THE 100 must find a way to transcend their differences, unite and forge a new path on a wildly changed Earth that’s primitive, intense and teeming with the unknown.

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Watch American Dad – She Swill Survive Online S09E16

American Dad - She Swill Survive
Last night’s episode was titled “She Swill Survive”. It is the sixteenth episode in this tenth season and it almost put me to sleep, guys. American Dad has been on a bit of a viewership decline this season, and it’s episodes like this that may explain it.

In this episode we see Stan return from a long day at work, only to find Hayley awaking at four in the afternoon. Concerned that she lacks the skills to take care of herself in life, Stan forces her to take a job and at Roger’s bar and start paying rent. Stan is also having a rough time at work because he wants to be part of Mr. Bullock’s “Inner Circle”, an exclusive club where plenty of fun times are had. When Stan learns that Mr. Bullock has been making drunken confessions to Hayley at the bar, he plants a microphone and uses it as a way to get himself into the Inner Circle.

Meanwhile, Steve and his pals settle in to watch Wolfgang Petersen’s classic “Das Boot” with Klaus. Just before they start the film, a minor slip of the tongue sets off a chain reaction of Germanic folk tales that prevent the boys from actually watching the movie at all.

I feel like I’ve been hard on American Dad these past few weeks. We’re winding down on this season, and it doesn’t appear to me that it will end well. I haven’t really enjoyed this season as a whole, to be honest. Admittedly there are a few great ones, but they seem few and far between.

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Watch Californication – Levon Online S07E01

Californication - Levon
Hank returns for Californication‘s seventh and final season waiting to knock, standing in a place most guys know well. He’s on the side of the door that isn’t quite reality ? floating in that space before the big moment where every scenario rushes through your head. More often than not, the vision of the big speech or heart-wrenching proposal goes as planned and nervous anticipation turns into much needed elation.

Ask any guy that has an ounce of romance in him about how nothing you plan in your head unfolds exactly the way you want it to. In those moments before the knock you can’t prepare for someone’s reaction, you can only put it out there and hope.

The episode opens with Hank knocking and Karen accepting. The sweeping passionate kiss ensues. The band is back together.

Well not quite. This is Californication, where you can dream all you want but reality always comes to wake you up. Sticking true to the series’ roller coaster love arc, Hank knocks and no one is home. His visions of the big romantic gesture dissipate because now he has to go out and find Karen, an angel in a city filled with demons. When he does find Karen at a coffee shop, his speech comes out a little rushed and the reaction wasn’t something he previously accounted for in his head.

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Watch Simpsons – Days Of Future Future Online S25E18

Simpsons - Days Of Future Future
The Simpsons “Days of Future Future” is yet another future episode and the future ain’t what it used to be. It can mess with Simpsons canon. I’ve always assumed there would be a future with a President Lisa Simpson. I assume it will happen before Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle will be president. It’s a future I look forward to. Not only will she legalize “it” for Bart, both Lisa and Malcolm are both really intelligent people from families who know what’s what in the world. Not that I want a President Frankie Muniz or President Yeardley Smith, well maybe Yeardley, President Yeardley sounds like it will be comic gold. But I digress.

I’m going to miss Homer #1, his irrepressible humor, his insatiable hunger and unquenchable thirst. We’ve gone through so much. And come back for seconds. Free refills and all the shrimp we could eat. Thank science for Professor Frink, until Bart recorded over Homer, he begloibened the day. Homer has had a storied story. He came into this world a kind of magical gorilla, lived as a fat, fat, fat, reckless fat pig, died his way into the future future through a series of surplus wholesale clones, will be downloaded onto a zip drive, turned into a screensaver (bonk, bonk, ooh corner, badonk) and finally transported into a robot who sounds like Kazoo, the alien on The Flintstones. Very fitting. Except Homer’s junk, which comes separately and has to be assembled by hand.

The future in Springfield is a conglomeration of the myths of TV and movies made fleshy yellow. Bart feeds the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park , I mean Cretaceous Park, like he was working at Seaworld, only without the dolphin abuse. Lisa does charity work for the undead, her future being written by The Walking Dead. Her future marriage to Millhouse is in a rut until Millhouse gets bitten by a zombie and Lisa by the love bug. Once you go zombie you never go back. Just like bubble wrap is the great equalizer.

The Simpsons is playing it fast and loose with death this season, what with the death of the most beloved person in Springfield, the real-life death of Marcia Wallace, whatever happened to Nelson a few weeks ago and, I swear, Hans Moleman has died at least four times this year. The Simpsons play with the idea of Homer dying a lot. Probably more so after Matt Groening’s father, who Homer is based on, died. It’s a scab he just has to pick. In a past future episode (if this is beginning to sound like the Mad magazine version of the Poseidon Adventure, go down to go up, good), when Lisa tells her mom she’s marrying a Hugh Grant kinda guy, Marge says “I wish your father were here” no Homer will not have had died in that future, he was out. The Simpsons has prepared us for Homer’s death. But not Abe’s, he’s at Homer’s funerals. Cremo, the crematorium-bot is ever-ready, though.

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Watch NCIS – Alleged Online S11E20

NCIS - Alleged
Due to the murder of former NIS agent Daniel McLane, who worked together with Mike Franks, we meet agent Dwayne Pride (called King by most), agent Chis Lasalle, and agent Merri Brody. (I will be honest and say I had trouble understanding what Lasalle was saying at times.)

McLane was Pride’s mentor like Franks was Gibbs’. Gibbs and Pride know each other from back when they were probies. From what I understand, Gary Glasberg might create a spin-off (“NCIS: New Orleans”) with this team. In principle, I am never a big fan of spin-offs, but it might work.

Pride comes to D.C. and to Gibbs because he thinks there might be a political motivation for the murder. McLane, after he retired from NIS, became a congressman. When Pride is in D.C., Lasalle calls in MTAC. He is there with the New Orleans medical examiner, Dr. Loretta Wade. They say the FBI came and took the body away. Dr. Wade had not been able to finish her autopsy. Tony “smells a conspiracy.”

“NCIS” and the FBI have to work together on this case, causing Fornell to join in. (Yay!)

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game.of.thrones.s04e02.hdtv.x264-2hd.mp4

Watch Game of Thrones – The Lion and the Rose Online

http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/nose-bleed.gifThere are times when I feel like a broken record on the subject of “Game of Thrones” and my wish that Benioff and Weiss didn’t have quite so much story to deal with, or at least that they could re-structure the show in a way that would allow for longer stints in each destination, if not for periodic single-location episodes like “Blackwater.” But then we get an episode like “The Lion and the Rose,” in which the first half is structured like your typical “Game of Thrones” episode, while the second half is essentially one long scene at Joffrey and Margaery’s wedding, and I’m reminded all over again of the power of concentrated storytelling over the diffuse kind that Benioff, Weiss and company (including George R.R. Martin, who wrote this script) usually have to practice.

In comparison to someone like Robb Stark, who was built up as a boring but likeable guy, an underdog to root for because of what happened to his father Ned, Joffrey is nothing more than a pissant. He’s a contemptible little cockroach who does nothing but snipe at those around him out of sheer boredom and in the eyes of most viewers deserved a far more excruciating death. But there’s a sinister poetry to his death at a wedding, after all immediate threats have been removed. This is the chaos of Westeros, where siege threats can be thwarted by magical fire, White Walkers roam the frozen North, and the most dangerous place for a King seems to be a royal wedding.

Yes, that means that characters who traditionally would end up the conquering heroes are cut down before following through on that classical arc. But it also means that the evildoers, sinister little cretins who do nothing but destroy all hope for happiness in the world, can die early and without warning as well.

Jaime is upset that he can’t protect the King — he can hold his sword, but he can’t properly wield it. He needs an instructor who can keep quiet. Luckily, Tyrion knows just the person.

You’re wrong Varys – I wept for Shae this episode. Yes, she has frequently annoyed me and I’m not always convinced by Sibel Kekilli’s performance but the brief scene between her and Tyrion broke my heart. Is Bronn telling the truth about getting her out of King’s Landing? I do hope so but were I Tyrion I might begin to worry about just how many secrets Bronn knows, given Jaime’s (lack of) fighting ability when it comes to Shae’s whereabouts. As Varys would tell you, it doesn’t pay to trust anyone too much in King’s Landing.

Bran and his bunch—Hodor (Kristian Nairn), Jojen (Thomas Brodie-Sangster) and Meera Reed (Ellie Kendrick)—are on the road in the North, heading to… Castle Black? Beyond the Wall? This is what you get for following a psychic tween! Stuck wandering the snowy woods for a season and a half! Bran is warging himself into his direwolf Summer like crazy, enjoying the fresh deer meat he’s getting into, which is a lot better than the no meat they have. Jojen and Meera warn him against warging too much, as he’ll forget his whole life (Bran is probably like, yes, that’s the idea, my life sucks).

Watch Game of Thrones S4E2 Online

After using his warg powers to run around inside the skin of his direwolf, Summer, Bran is warned by Jojen and Meera Reed that he needs to cut down on the length of time he spends in another creature so he doesn’t lose his human self, and so, as Meera puts it, they don’t “lose everything.” Just then, Bran sees a direwolf by a godswood tree and he asks Hodor to bring him to the tree. As he touches the face on the tree Bran sees visions – a three-eyed raven, his father Ned Stark in a cell at King’s Landing, snow in the Iron Throne room, a figure beyond the wall, and dragon shadows over King’s Landing. A voice tells Bran, “Look for me, beneath the tree.” “I know where we have to go,” Bran says when he snaps out of it.

Over in Stannis-land, things could be going better. The brooding Baratheon brother still has eyes for the throne (which will grow even wider when he discovers Joffrey’s fate, I assume), but he barely has enough food to feed his family. All he can do to pass the time and keep the faith is burn “heretics” at the stake, which one can only imagine is a bitch for morale. Though it does seem a staunch “Lord of Light” devotion is growing out of everyone’s fear. One (slightly) redeeming quality that Stannis still possesses is that he doesn’t outright loathe his daughter like Selyse does. He does however send Melisandre (who must be having an awkward old time these days) down to Shireen’s dank, prison-y quarters to convert her to their new religion. All in all, Stannis is running to a stand still.

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Watch The Vampire Diaries – The Originals Online S04E20

The Vampire Diaries - The Originals
Would you book another trip to New Orleans?

That is the question for fans of The Vampire Diaries after tonight’s shocking episode, which served as a backdoor pilot for The Originals spinoff, which centers on fan favorite Original siblings Klaus (Joseph Morgan), Elijah (Daniel Gillies) and Rebekah (Claire Holt) stirring up trouble in The Big Easy, a supernatural empire that Klaus helped create back in the day.

And though Klaus heading back to New Orleans intent on destroying a coven of witches looking to destroy him, he got more than he bargained for when he ran into werewolf Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin)! Plus, we met (and swooned over) new characters that we’ll be spending a lot of time with should the CW pick up The Originals to series…

We better start with the hybrid baby because, WHAT? There’s been some discussion about why Hayley would play a role in the spin-off (well, other than The CW isn’t going to let Phoebe Tonkin slink away so easily), but now we know: She’s miraculously carrying Klaus’s child after their almost-forgotten one-night stand some episodes ago. The episode chalked up the pregnancy to a loophole in the system, which is clearly the quickest and pilot-iest way to answer “how?” without actually answering it. The mystery behind the pregnancy will likely drive The Originals, as will Klaus’s surely slow-moving journey of coming to terms with the baby’s existence.

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