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Watch American Dad – She Swill Survive Online S09E16

American Dad - She Swill Survive
Last night’s episode was titled “She Swill Survive”. It is the sixteenth episode in this tenth season and it almost put me to sleep, guys. American Dad has been on a bit of a viewership decline this season, and it’s episodes like this that may explain it.

In this episode we see Stan return from a long day at work, only to find Hayley awaking at four in the afternoon. Concerned that she lacks the skills to take care of herself in life, Stan forces her to take a job and at Roger’s bar and start paying rent. Stan is also having a rough time at work because he wants to be part of Mr. Bullock’s “Inner Circle”, an exclusive club where plenty of fun times are had. When Stan learns that Mr. Bullock has been making drunken confessions to Hayley at the bar, he plants a microphone and uses it as a way to get himself into the Inner Circle.

Meanwhile, Steve and his pals settle in to watch Wolfgang Petersen’s classic “Das Boot” with Klaus. Just before they start the film, a minor slip of the tongue sets off a chain reaction of Germanic folk tales that prevent the boys from actually watching the movie at all.

I feel like I’ve been hard on American Dad these past few weeks. We’re winding down on this season, and it doesn’t appear to me that it will end well. I haven’t really enjoyed this season as a whole, to be honest. Admittedly there are a few great ones, but they seem few and far between.

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Watch Californication – Levon Online S07E01

Californication - Levon
Hank returns for Californication‘s seventh and final season waiting to knock, standing in a place most guys know well. He’s on the side of the door that isn’t quite reality ? floating in that space before the big moment where every scenario rushes through your head. More often than not, the vision of the big speech or heart-wrenching proposal goes as planned and nervous anticipation turns into much needed elation.

Ask any guy that has an ounce of romance in him about how nothing you plan in your head unfolds exactly the way you want it to. In those moments before the knock you can’t prepare for someone’s reaction, you can only put it out there and hope.

The episode opens with Hank knocking and Karen accepting. The sweeping passionate kiss ensues. The band is back together.

Well not quite. This is Californication, where you can dream all you want but reality always comes to wake you up. Sticking true to the series’ roller coaster love arc, Hank knocks and no one is home. His visions of the big romantic gesture dissipate because now he has to go out and find Karen, an angel in a city filled with demons. When he does find Karen at a coffee shop, his speech comes out a little rushed and the reaction wasn’t something he previously accounted for in his head.

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Watch Greys Anatomy – She’s Killing Me Online S09E20

Greys Anatomy - She's Killing Me
“Patients say it all the time. Tell me straight up, I just want to know what’s going on. Tell me. I can handle it.” At least that’s what Meredith thinks, but her emotions change when she gets her genome results back. As it turns out, Meredith tests positive for more than one of the genetic markers of Alzheimer’s. Meredith and Derek later discuss her mapping results, but Meredith just wants one thing ? an updated will ? considering Lexie is still Zola’s guardian.

Meredith later suggests appointing Cristina and one of Derek’s sisters, whomever he chooses, to be guardians of their children. Derek takes this opportunity to remind Meredith that Cristina doesn’t want to be a mom, which she reaffirms to Meredith when they go for a walk together. Regardless of what happens, Cristina asks Meredith to have the kids for three weeks of the year to travel, teach them lessons (like putting a condom on a cucumber) and to take them for their first tattoos, at a “clean place” of course. Oh, Aunt Cristina. “I’ll be the coolest aunt in the world. I just can’t be a mom” she said.

Speaking of Cristina, she’s convinced there’s something going on with Owen because he’s acting “crazy” and blew off their plans the night before. His concern over the status of Cristina’s patient, Ethan’s father, has turned into an obsession that she’s become tired of. Ethan’s mother, on the other hand, awakens and remembers her son, which Owen feels better about.

Leah spends the day as Bailey’s intern, a gig that she unsuccessfully tries to get out of. The day starts badly for the pair when Bailey scolds Leah for leaving a pizza crumb on her laptop. The two work together on one of Bailey’s recent patients, Joyce, who had a dialysis graph put in a few weeks ago. Her husband brought her back after a few fevers. The doctors discover she has an infected insertion site so they run more labs and discover that Joyce has a high white count and her electrolytes are off. When they decide to admit her, Leah informs Bailey that there was also another complication with Bailey’s other patient. Although Bailey shuts her down and tells her to “fix things” Leah’s convinced she’s responsible for this mess because she came in sick.

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Watch Arrow – Unfinished Business Online S01E19

Arrow - Unfinished Business
This week’s episode of Arrow, “Unfinished Business” was written by Bryan Q Miller and Lindsey Allen and directed by Michael Offer. All three are new to Arrow. Miller is not new to the genre, having written for the CW’s Smallville as well as comics for DC, including Teen Titans. Allen worked with Mark Guggenheim on Green Lantern. Offer has a number of action credits on his resume, including Last Resort and The Unit. All this experience may help explain why even a brand new team to Arrow was able to deliver a satisfying episode that once again wove a single theme through multiple story arcs. This week’s theme was summed up by the Count (Seth Gable): “Nothing is what it once was.”

The Count is not who he once was and neither is his drug, Vertigo. However, another theme that runs through the episode is misconceptions built on preconceptions, so Oliver (Stephen Amell) believes that the Count is still a threat and not really crazy and therefore buys into the Count escaping. This results in Oliver being captured by the doctor who is actually behind the new version of the drug and Diggle (David Ramsey) having to kill to save both of them. On the other hand, Oliver is not able to kill the Count in the end because he realizes that it would be a cold blooded killing. The Count is no longer a threat to anyone, and Oliver is not simply a cold blooded killer.

Another facet of the theme this week is that people can and do change, but sometimes they get stuck in the past. Diggle is obsessed with finding Deadshot. He keeps this a secret from Oliver even though he’s enlisted Felicity’s (Emily Bett Rickards) help. He is so consumed with finding him that he fails to come when Oliver needs him at the Aquarium. Just as a side note, the scenes in the actual aquarium were filmed in the Vancouver Aquarium, which I’ve visited. Diggle tells Oliver that he can’t get on with his life until he avenges his brother’s death. He doesn’t tell Oliver about his meeting with Lyla (Audrey Marie Anderson), however, and this may be a problem in the future if both the military and Oliver and Diggle are both hunting Deadshot.

Anderson, who is a very good actor, worked with director Offer on The Unit. She provides another layer to Diggle’s backstory, so I hope we’ll see more of her. It’s a great scene between Amell and Ramsey when Oliver tells Diggle that he’s making Deadshot a priority because it’s a priority to Diggle. I really like the way their partnership is growing. It’s also a nice way that Oliver is changing, letting people back into his life.

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Watch Suburgatory – Decemberfold Online S02E19

Suburgatory - Decemberfold
One afternoon, George and Dallas are having lunch at the club when Javier inquires about the Dads of Chatswin charity calendar. Every year, Mothers Against the Defamation of Undiluted Apple Juice showcase 12 men of Chatswin in beefcake photos, with the one deemed the hottest getting to represent December in a two-page foldout. Dallas laughs off the idea of George doing something fun and silly like that, only for him to sign up on the spot and attempt to put himself outside his comfort zone.

Despite warnings from Noah and Fred, George stays in the hunt for the Decemberfold, drawing generally positive remarks at the interview with MADUAJ, though they think his lack of body definition makes him more of a March than a December. However, George doesn’t let that stop him from going on a crash diet over the next couple of days in preparation for the shoot, as he tosses any fattening food in the house and stresses over calories on a night out with Dallas.

The following evening, they try to go see a movie that ends up being sold out, although George thinks sitting for a movie will be harmful to his metabolism. As he wears a garbage bag and jogs outside the theater, Dallas tells him that she wouldn’t mind if he got hit by a car, he’s acting so strangely.

George has no time to worry because before he knows it, it’s the day of the shoot. He won’t be finding out what month he is until the reveal party, so each of the men selected will have to go through multiple photo shoots during the day. While Noah plays surfer and Fred pays homage to Titanic, George works in a sausage factory before all three are brought together for a little butt-to-butt action and “Me So Horny”. George ends up getting to be Mr. December dressed as a sexy elf, but the one person he wants to be there to share in the joy (Dallas) isn’t. He then goes to her house where the two make up and share in her favorite pie, since he’s starving.

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Watch Family Guy – Call Girl Online S11E14

Family Guy - Call Girl
Chris builds a birdhouse, and Peter hangs it up, and they happily watch as lots of little birds move into it, until an falcon swoops down and eats them all. They are horrified.

That night, Peter reveals to the family that he has become a falconer, and introduces his falcon Xerxes.

He shows it to Quagmire, and Xerxes quickly attacks him. Peter says that Xerxes mainly eats rodents, and that’s probably why he was after Quagmire. Xerxes knocked him to the ground and dug into his pants, eager to get at the rodents that Quagmire was hiding. However, as he was screaming, the rodent escaped “out the front”, and fled from his mouth.

Inside the house, Xerxes lands on Stewie’s head, and he panics, asking Brian what to do. Brian says there’s nothing he can, and just hope he doesn’t stand on his soft spot. He does, and Stewie’s skull sinks in.

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Watch The Walking Dead – Arrow on the Doorpost Online S03E13

The Walking Dead - Arrow on the Doorpost
After last week’s road trip back to his hometown and the apparent close distance of everything in The Walking Dead‘s universe, Rick piles Hershel and Daryl into the car? and takes another one! Well, this time it’s to Woodbury to talk to The Governor. But a change of scenery seems to be welcome these days, doesn’t it? Much like last week’s episode, this week’s, “Arrow on the Doorpost” plays with format and is indeed a welcome change from the show’s usual one location per episode mentality.

It also puts Rick directly against The Governor at long last as the two (kinda) attempt to make a deal, while Daryl and Hershel provide cover. This episode does have its drawbacks, but what it does best is pair opposing sides ? Hershel with Milton and Daryl with Martinez ? in a humanitarian approach, showing that despite allegiance to either Rick or The Governor. People are just people! Glenn and Maggie seem to prove this also, though via a somewhat unsanitary act of lovemaking outside the prison.

Rick takes Andrea’s word for it in going to Woodbury, thinking that a compromise with The Governor might actually be a possibility. Obviously, no, that’s not true, since Andrea was probably looking at The Governor through love goggles. Rick has a proposal of divvying up the land between the prison and Woodbury, but The Governor isn’t having that. He claims he will not attack if Rick hands over Michonne ? when Rick leaves, he says he will attack anyway, but really just wants to exact revenge on our fierce lady samurai. And Rick actually considers giving up Michonne. Huh. Did she not babysit Carl last episode and save everyone’s asses several times?

Geez, Rick. Clearly The Governor has proven himself as someone who cannot be trusted, so why would Rick even entertain the option of sacrificing a human life on the word of a madman? Rick’s not trusting Michonne is growing tiresome, and even our one-legged badass Hershel tries to talk some sense into him. Hershel is the show’s main voice of reason, isn’t he?

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Watch Californication – Everybodys A Fucking Critic Online S06E09

Californication - Everybodys A Fucking Critic
The current season of Californication has been on a roll. The decision to pair Hank Moody (David Duchovny) with Tim Minchin’s lewd asshole rock star Atticus Fetch has rejuvenated the show in new ways.

I mean, at its heart, Californication has always been a show about what happens when you live the rock and roll dream and get everything you want. I’ve never been completely convinced that Hank’s as good a writer as we’re led to believe. After all, he seems to have hit it lucky with his first shot, God Hates Us All, and he’s been dining out on the experience ever since. His literary output is hardly prolific, is it?

So, I found it strange when Hank started laying into his daughter Becca’s first attempt at a novel instead of supporting her and giving her constructive criticism. But how satisfying it was when Hank swaggers into a meeting with Atticus, Stew and Runkle and they all insult his latest work. It’s about time. And to add insult to injury, Fetch admits that he lied when he said he was a big fan of Hank’s work ? he’d never even read it!

There are subtle upsides to Hank having his ego knocked hard: first, there’s a charming visit to his new muse Faith where the duo sing Joni Mitchell songs and ?inspire’ each other. I’m starting to warm to the character now. She genuinely seems to have a sweet disposition, and I’d happily warm to the idea of her and Hank getting romantic properly with each other. The show has trod stagnant water with the Hank/Karen relationship, and I’d love for them to kill that relationship off once and for all.

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Watch The Walking Dead – Clear Online S03E12

The Walking Dead - Clear
For the second season in a row, The Walking Dead took Rick Grimes and a couple of others away from the rest of the characters for an entire episode. And for the second season in a row, this led to one of the best episodes yet for the series. Season 2′s “18 Miles Out” found Rick and Shane working their s*** out (albeit temporarily) as they attempted to deal with the Randall situation. “Clear” instead focused on Rick, Carl and Michonne going to look for guns, leading to a reunion a long time in the making?

As an aside, it’s worth noting, in an optimistic way, that Scott Gimple, who is taking over as showrunner for Season 4, co-wrote “18 Miles Out” with outgoing showrunner Glen Mazzara and wrote “Clear” himself. And I think I liked this episode slightly more even than the wonderful “18 Miles Out” perhaps because it took an even bigger leap by never going back to any other characters but the trio who left the prison and the man they came across – unlike “18 Miles Out’s” glimpses of the farm and Beth’s suicide threats (Man, Beth needs to get a new storyline, besides “She likes to sing.”)

It was great to see Morgan (Lennie James) again, even if Morgan himself had seen better days. Rick’s encounter with Morgan and his son in the excellent Walking Dead pilot episode was quite a memorable encounter and the question of whatever happened to them has always lingered for fans. Rick finding Morgan so very broken (though very capable, in terms of self defense) was quite powerful, as we, and Rick, learned just how much had changed since last he’d been to his home town.

I will say that Morgan revealing that his son was specifically killed, out of all the walkers, but his own wife, was rather an amazing coincidence/dramatic twist. But still, the mere fact that Morgan lost his son was very sad, as Morgan had turned into an absolute nihilist, telling Rick that Carl would inevitably die too. Lennie James was terrific showing this guy so lost in his despair. A particularly notable and chilling moment had him tell Rick, “You will be torn apart by teeth or bullets.”

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Watch Modern Family – Best Men Online S04E17

Modern Family - Best Men
There’s no good reason that “Best Men” the 86th episode of Modern Family, is the first full half-hour of the series I’ve ever seen. I can recall the buzz arounds its first season, the favorable comparisons to Arrested Development-but I had limited time for new shows then, and 2009 was the fall of Community’s premi?re and Parks And Recreation’s blossoming, so the faux-documentary about the new normal (hey, that’d be a good name for a show) for the American family wasn’t a high priority. And then the thing started gobbling up awards and Nielsen victories at the same time critical consensus suggested it peaked early, so I figured I just catch up with the Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker-Delgados in syndication.

That seemed like the best way to digest the other megahit sitcoms of the era: Flattening the highs and lows of How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory into something you can watch at the gym or over a laundry basket makes for a great way to get the feel of the biggest TV comedies of the past five years.

Modern Family won’t hit syndication numbers until the end of its fourth season, but if “Best Men” is any indication, it’s already arrived at a point where the barriers to entry are lowered and the casual viewer can jump in on any given Wednesday night. (Or weekday afternoon, come fall 2013.) It’s the type of episode that’s difficult not to damn with faint praise; adjectives on the “competent” spectrum leap most immediately to mind: “Slickly directed” “capably acted” “adequately written.” It neither justifies an ongoing ignorance of the show nor does it suggest that I’ve been missing anything.

There are some big laughs-that Ty Burrell sure has a long career of bumbling and stumbling ahead of him, huh?-and heartwarming moments-it’s neat how the wedding vows from Elizabeth Banks’ character end up reflecting positively on Cam and Mitchell’s relationship-but otherwise it’s just sort of there.

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