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Watch American Dad – She Swill Survive Online S09E16

American Dad - She Swill Survive
Last night’s episode was titled “She Swill Survive”. It is the sixteenth episode in this tenth season and it almost put me to sleep, guys. American Dad has been on a bit of a viewership decline this season, and it’s episodes like this that may explain it.

In this episode we see Stan return from a long day at work, only to find Hayley awaking at four in the afternoon. Concerned that she lacks the skills to take care of herself in life, Stan forces her to take a job and at Roger’s bar and start paying rent. Stan is also having a rough time at work because he wants to be part of Mr. Bullock’s “Inner Circle”, an exclusive club where plenty of fun times are had. When Stan learns that Mr. Bullock has been making drunken confessions to Hayley at the bar, he plants a microphone and uses it as a way to get himself into the Inner Circle.

Meanwhile, Steve and his pals settle in to watch Wolfgang Petersen’s classic “Das Boot” with Klaus. Just before they start the film, a minor slip of the tongue sets off a chain reaction of Germanic folk tales that prevent the boys from actually watching the movie at all.

I feel like I’ve been hard on American Dad these past few weeks. We’re winding down on this season, and it doesn’t appear to me that it will end well. I haven’t really enjoyed this season as a whole, to be honest. Admittedly there are a few great ones, but they seem few and far between.

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Watch The Big Bang Theory – The Closure Alternative Online S06E21

The Big Bang Theory - The Closure Alternative
In this week’s episode of The Big Bang Theory, Sheldon and Amy deal with his need for closure, Penny tries to get excited about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Raj tries to butch it up. In other words, this is an episode about people trying to change something deeply ingrained into who they are and failing absolutely spectacularly.

First we have Sheldon, who finds out that Alphas has been canceled, and what’s more, it ended on a cliffhanger. We’ve all been there, I’m sure, but the problem is worse for Sheldon who can’t even stand to not complete his door-knocking, much less not know what happens after the disastrous scenario in which Alphas ended. (And can I just say… obscure!)

Amy decides to try to help him out by conditioning him to accept life without resolution and hands up, who here over-related to him just not being able to handle it? Particularly at the end, when he gets his closure and all but passes out with relief. My hand is in the air and I’m guessing a few of yours are as well.

Meanwhile, Raj decides to butch it up after stalking his girlfriend online and finding that she had referred to him as feminine. His solution to this seems to involve wearing a hockey jersey and serving frozen burritos for dinner, and I laughed a truly ridiculous amount because I completely believe that that is what Raj thinks masculinity comprises. Naturally, it also fails, but luckily she doesn’t mind his lack of traditional masculinity, and in fact it’s one of the things she really likes about him. I think I’m slowly coming around to liking her.

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Watch The Vampire Diaries – The Originals Online S04E20

The Vampire Diaries - The Originals
Would you book another trip to New Orleans?

That is the question for fans of The Vampire Diaries after tonight’s shocking episode, which served as a backdoor pilot for The Originals spinoff, which centers on fan favorite Original siblings Klaus (Joseph Morgan), Elijah (Daniel Gillies) and Rebekah (Claire Holt) stirring up trouble in The Big Easy, a supernatural empire that Klaus helped create back in the day.

And though Klaus heading back to New Orleans intent on destroying a coven of witches looking to destroy him, he got more than he bargained for when he ran into werewolf Hayley (Phoebe Tonkin)! Plus, we met (and swooned over) new characters that we’ll be spending a lot of time with should the CW pick up The Originals to series…

We better start with the hybrid baby because, WHAT? There’s been some discussion about why Hayley would play a role in the spin-off (well, other than The CW isn’t going to let Phoebe Tonkin slink away so easily), but now we know: She’s miraculously carrying Klaus’s child after their almost-forgotten one-night stand some episodes ago. The episode chalked up the pregnancy to a loophole in the system, which is clearly the quickest and pilot-iest way to answer “how?” without actually answering it. The mystery behind the pregnancy will likely drive The Originals, as will Klaus’s surely slow-moving journey of coming to terms with the baby’s existence.

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Watch Hannibal – Amuse-Bouche Online S01E02

Hannibal - Amuse-Bouche
While the second episode of Hannibal did introduce a new “killer of the week”, I was also very happy to see plenty of fallout from what occurred in the pilot, as it became clear there was no easy “well, that’s all over” procedural vibe here.

The fact that Will Graham had never killed someone and had “just pulled the trigger ten times”, as Jack put it, was not dealt with lightly. Not only did we see Will troubled by nightmares about what he’d done, but it was the reason Jack asked Will to get a psych eval ? from none other than Hannibal Lecter.

The dynamic between Jack and Hannibal is great, as Hannibal established an easy, friendly, no BS tone with Will ? “rubber stamping” him, officially, so they two could be more genuine together. At the same time, he’s baiting Will with dark questions like, “Is it hard imagining he thrill someone else feels killing, now that you’ve done it yourself?” Hannibal clearly finds Will someone worth his time ? does he want to cultivate the darkness he sees within Will? By the end of the episode, he has Will admit “I liked killing him”, as they discuss the feeling of power that goes along with taking a life.

We also got some very intriguing suggestions about Abigail, the daughter of Garrret Jacob Hobbs, who Will saved last week, after her father sliced her neck. The idea that perhaps she may have been an accomplice to her father ? or someone he could use as bait at least ? certainly put her in a new and chilling perspective.

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Watch Criminal Minds – Restoration Online S08E18

Criminal Minds - Restoration
This week’s episode of Criminal Minds opens with a middle-aged gentleman closing his convenient store for the evening. When out of the blue, two kids on their bikes drive up to Anthony Rango. The two boys would like some candy. The store owner reopens the door for them to sneak in for a few seconds. The boys rush into his establishment, and after gathering their sweets, they immediately leave the scene. The joyous man now with key in hand and ready to lock the door, he gets hit from behind. The unsub beats him and drags Mr. Rango by his feet back into his store. The unsub, Rodney Harris, closes the metal security door.

Next we see, Morgan trying to put a window into a window frame in his apartment. Rossi knocks on an adjacent window, shaking a bottle of alcohol. The two agents smile. When they’re ready to enjoy their beverage, Morgan receives a call from Garcia on his cell.

At the BAU headquarters, the team is already assembled around the round table. Garcia begins this week’s slideshow with two male victims: Anthony and Michael. Both were badly beaten and found with literally their pants down.

The team is off to Chicago, Illinois-Morgan’s old stomping ground. Before they arrive, we see an African-American father outside of a diner hugging his son goodbye. After the hug, his wife walks their son across the street. The unsub is sitting in a parked car. He is wearing a gray sweatshirt with the hood partially covering his face. He looks angry. We see, in his side mirrors, a shadow of a man boxing.

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Watch Suburgatory – Decemberfold Online S02E19

Suburgatory - Decemberfold
One afternoon, George and Dallas are having lunch at the club when Javier inquires about the Dads of Chatswin charity calendar. Every year, Mothers Against the Defamation of Undiluted Apple Juice showcase 12 men of Chatswin in beefcake photos, with the one deemed the hottest getting to represent December in a two-page foldout. Dallas laughs off the idea of George doing something fun and silly like that, only for him to sign up on the spot and attempt to put himself outside his comfort zone.

Despite warnings from Noah and Fred, George stays in the hunt for the Decemberfold, drawing generally positive remarks at the interview with MADUAJ, though they think his lack of body definition makes him more of a March than a December. However, George doesn’t let that stop him from going on a crash diet over the next couple of days in preparation for the shoot, as he tosses any fattening food in the house and stresses over calories on a night out with Dallas.

The following evening, they try to go see a movie that ends up being sold out, although George thinks sitting for a movie will be harmful to his metabolism. As he wears a garbage bag and jogs outside the theater, Dallas tells him that she wouldn’t mind if he got hit by a car, he’s acting so strangely.

George has no time to worry because before he knows it, it’s the day of the shoot. He won’t be finding out what month he is until the reveal party, so each of the men selected will have to go through multiple photo shoots during the day. While Noah plays surfer and Fred pays homage to Titanic, George works in a sausage factory before all three are brought together for a little butt-to-butt action and “Me So Horny”. George ends up getting to be Mr. December dressed as a sexy elf, but the one person he wants to be there to share in the joy (Dallas) isn’t. He then goes to her house where the two make up and share in her favorite pie, since he’s starving.

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Watch Arrow – The Huntress Returns Online S01E17

Arrow - The Huntress Returns
It’s completely ordinary for television shows, or any serialized form of storytelling, really, to take a little breather after a big episode. Breather episodes typically involve some sort of emotional fallout, or perhaps a reevaluation of goals and relationships. They give the show time to reflect on recent events, and they normally afford an opportunity for some measure of character growth. Essentially, they’re narrative way stations between major plot developments.

The Huntress Returns” was such an episode. And it was ridiculously dull.

If you’ve been watching (and reading) along with me for the past 16 episodes, you know I’m generally more interested in the melodrama portion of Arrow’s action + melodrama set-up, and as a result, I was rather eagerly looking forward to seeing the aftershocks of “Dead to Rights” playing out a bit. And those aftershocks did happen, but to nowhere near the extent that maybe they should have. I say this knowing full well that they’re something that will continue to weigh heavily over the rest of the season, but I just wanted more.

Instead, “The Huntress Returns” brought Helena back to Starling City. It turns out that Daddy Bertinelli cut a deal with the feds and was going to get himself a little witness protection in exchange for blabbing about some of the regional crime families, and Helena was none too pleased that he was going to get a second chance at a life. She wanted Oliver’s help bringing Bertinelli down, permanently, and was willing to hurt anyone Oliver cared about to get him to cooperate.

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Watch Glee – Guilty Pleasures Online S04E17

Glee - Guilty Pleasures
Everyone has a guilty pleasure — or in Brody’s case — a guilty secret job.

During Thursday’s “Guilty Pleasures” episode of Fox’s Glee, Blaine and Sam take control of New Directions while Mr. Schue is out sick, encouraging the club to share their musical shames in a team building exercise.

At McKinley, the biggest reveal comes from Blaine, who via Phil Collins, is finally able to come clean that he’s had romantic feelings for Sam for months. While it takes Sam to finally broach the subject with Blaine, their friendship helps bring New Directions into a more cohesive bond after Kitty ditches the bitch and, as Artie called it, finally seemed happy to be part of the group.

In New York, it’s another kind of guilt that comes up when Rachel finally learns the truth — that Brody is a man-whore. When Santana hears that Rachel’s considering getting back together with Brody, she tells her the harsh truth — rather than waiting for after her roommate’s Funny Girl audition. It sends Rachel for an honest confrontation with Brody, where she learns that Finn flew to New York to beat the snot out of the himbo — and that the man candy knew Rachel still had feelings for her ex.

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Watch Revenge – Retribution Online S02E15

Revenge - Retribution
ABC pushed the episode with these words: “Emily is back. No more distractions.” The network must’ve heard the complaints about the second season and decided to push the show like it is season one again; however, Revenge needs to get out of a few storylines before it ceases being a convoluted mess. Revenge won’t really reset until the third season. Until then, the writers have to wriggle free of The Initiative, and, uh, yeah, just The Initiative.

Fake Amanda’s death, at least, adds much needed urgency and drama into the show. TV writers usually share a similar modus operandi when killing off a character: make the death matter. Don’t kill off characters willy-nilly. Make it matter for the other characters, and for the audience, and the story choice will pay off. Fake Amanda’s death matters for the major characters, and her death has great implications for the narrative. Jack is torn up about her death, but he’s also dealing with the truth of why she came to the Hamptons. Indeed, he’ll react badly when he learns the real truth. Charlotte’s devastated to lose a sister she just discovered. The loss motivates her to find other people who cared about her.

The thought of Fake Amanda’s funeral being empty is unsettling and upsetting to Charlotte, so she uses the interweb (fake search engine GoquestGo) to track down her foster family. Conrad’s guilted out because he ordered her death a mere day ago. Conrad pays for Jack’s medical care and swears to assist him whenever necessary. The computer’s out there like a big old ticking time bomb.

Emily experiences the most significant change. The other characters are mourning a woman they didn’t know. Emily’s partly responsible for Fake Amanda’s death. Conrad targeted her because the name Clarke is a threat. Nate wouldn’t have killed her without the promise of a cash reward. Fake Amanda used Emily’s computer after Conrad threatened Jack and the Stowaway. Daniel tells his mother that all of their money is tainted with blood. Many of Emily’s choices are tainted with blood.

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Watch The Big Bang Theory – The Contractual Obligation Implementation Online S06E18

The Big Bang Theory - The Contractual Obligation Implementation
Who knew that a roomful of teenage girls could bring such hilarity to The Big Bang Theory? The girls themselves didn’t even have to actually DO anything, such is the terrifying truth about their cruel nature. I wasn’t even a COOL middle-schooler and I was STILL an asshole and once Leonard, Sheldon, and Howard entered the locker-lined arena of Howard’s old middle school, their awareness of just how awful middle school was and is stole their lunch money and gave their contractually obligated women-in-science program a swirlie.

Meanwhile, Bernadette, Amy, and Penny played hooky to go to Disneyland and Raj’s library date with Lucy actually wasn’t a disaster. In fact, Raj wins this episode of TBBT, if only because he was the only one who wasn’t completely miserable by the end of the episode. He came up with an unorthodox but ultimately successful date-night idea to accommodate both his inability to talk to women without being drunk and Lucy’s crippling social anxiety, and it was great and everyone was happy and he ALMOST got a kiss out of it. YAY RAJ!

The contractual obligation in “The Contractual Obligation Implementation” forced Leonard, Howard, and Sheldon to create a program that would help draw women into science careers, but The Big Bang Theory took the opportunity to point out (and poke fun at) female inequalities all across geekdom-from grotesquely proportioned video game warriors in barely there armor to the fact that, for as advanced and civilized as the society in the original Star Trek series was meant to be, the show still featured a black lady (in a mini skirt) answering the space telephone. Even Sheldon-who was initially apprehensive to the point of being antagonistic in his reluctance to devote time to a female-oriented program-conceded to the often-overlooked practice of women using their initials rather than their full names to take credit for work in order to avoid being dismissed before a superior even bothered to look at the content.

And so The Big Bang Theory tackled a fairly serious issue in “The Contractual Obligation Implementation” and while its commentary was far from being the definitive statement on the matter, it WAS a very good, and more importantly for TBBT, very FUNNY. It’s honestly not hard to make me laugh, but sometimes it’s hard for The Big Bang Theory to make me laugh because so much of its humor relies on overcooked stereotypes (apologies). Yet the one-liners in “The Contractual Obligation Implementation” just kept coming-and they were excellent.

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